Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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