Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
