If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
