He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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