im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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