I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
