your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
