We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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