my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize