What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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