i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
