is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
