oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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