Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A bitchslap is in order.
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