We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
