Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
