Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
