he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
