I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
