I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
