New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize