Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need water and some morals
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
