Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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