Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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