I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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