i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize