he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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