Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
