I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
