Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Can i not drive my cunt home
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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