I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
