He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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