it wasn't lemon gatorade
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
