Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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