I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
