Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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