I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
