I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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