I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
