Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
