My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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