Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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