Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
