Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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