People with herpes should wear stickers.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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