He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
