I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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