Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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