In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
