im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
