where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
