Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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