Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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