Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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