Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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