Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The air taste purple.
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