id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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