Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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