fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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