Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
