I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
