Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize