sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
