I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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