Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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