I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
