dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
