I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize