Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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